To School or Not to School in the Midst of a Pandemic

Hey Moms and Dads. You’re doing a good job. Someone needs to tell you that.

Everyone is yelling words at you right now about school. Your kids are yelling in the background while you read this and simultaneously watch a live stream town hall, where strangers who are deciding what they think is right for you are yelling at other strangers who are telling them why they are wrong. People on school boards are talking words to parents who are talking more words. Government officials are tweeting words. Reporters are spouting more words. Doctors and scientists are quoting data. Your microwave is beeping at you because the coffee you never drank this morning is done reheating for the 4th time today.

So many words.

So many numbers.

So much noise.

You can’t comprehend the words you hear because the interpretations and data changes daily which is more than can be said for the sweatpants you’ve been wearing through conference calls for the last 3 days straight.

So many unknowns. But here’s what I do know:

You are an individual within a family. That family is a part of a school community. That school community is part of a city, state, country, world. We are all one world, but YOU, and only you know what you can and must do to provide for your family in the safest way possible when it comes to your decision about returning your kids to the classroom setting. You and only YOU know how you can help your community.

Some of you have an essential job, either to the community or to your family’s ability to eat, and it’s necessary that you physically show up. Some of you are in a family with high risk individuals. Some of you are single parents. Some of you need a break. Scratch that. All of us need a break. The point is, there are so many factors at play, and not every scenario will work for every family.

But here’s what will work in EVERY scenario:

Kindness. Respect. Patience.

Whether you choose to send your kids to school in August, start home schooling, sign up for virtual school when you don’t even know what it entails yet, find some kind of hybrid split-schedule system, start a local co-op, pull your kids out altogether, call them your interns and have them answer your emails all day, hire Mary Poppins, or maybe just hippie dance through an empty meadow from now until the forty-teenth of Janutember when there’s a vaccine (pausing to google empty meadows and make a playlist just in case), it doesn’t matter.

...there is more to each family’s decision than the decision itself.

Here’s what matters. Whatever you choose to do for your family, your pod, your bubble, your entourage, your community, please remember that the parents who choose the opposite of what you choose, are probably second guessing themselves just as much as you are. The parents who don’t have a choice might wish they could choose what you did. Be kind to each other and know there is more to each family’s decision than the decision itself.

Kindness:

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your kids. Cut yourself slack where you can. Have dessert for dinner occasionally and laugh at yourself trying to remember 7th grade algebra instead of getting mad at yourself. And be kind to others. Without turning this into a political debate, the most tangible way to be kind right now is to wear the mask. If your kids have a choice to wear the mask at school or not, teach them that wearing the mask is the kind thing to do, and just might save their lives or the lives of their friends. Wear the mask because it’s kind to others, but also to yourself. It’s extra HP for my gamer friends (that's health points for the non-gamers), a layer of armor to help you stay in the game. My anxiety softens when I pick up my groceries wearing a mask and the person bringing them outside is wearing a mask too. It gives me a feeling of relief and inclusion. If there are kids in school who are afraid of going back, don’t you think seeing other kids with masks on can provide that sense of relief they need in this time of uncertainty? If someone you love was on a ventilator, you’d want doctors to do everything they could to save them. So why not do everything you can do to save them now, and prevent them from getting to that point by wearing the mask.

Respect:

You know that feeling you get when your kids listen and do exactly what you ask the first you ask them to do something? Yeah, me neither. But I imagine that would be the epitome of respect. So when teachers ask for a form returned or email confirmation or note, send it right away. If they ask you to send your kid to school with polka dot shoes, 4 clear water bottles, a raincoat, and a partridge in a pear tree, do it. The stress you have felt keeping your 2 kids safe over the last 4 months has been exponentially increased for these teachers keeping literally hundreds of children safe while also teaching them and worrying for the safety of their own children elsewhere. Make their lives a little less stressful by responding the first time they ask for something. If you have questions or concerns with how things are going throughout this pandemic school year, use the appropriate channels at the appropriate times (not around the children) and speak to your child’s teacher or administrator in a respectful tone. Approach it as a conversation, not a condemnation, and the respect you’ve shown them will be mirrored back tenfold and immensely appreciated.

The pressure is off to be perfect, but the time is right to be present.

Patience:

The hamster wheel we were on before Covid-19 has slowed. Although the Caronacoaster of emotions is fully operational, you no longer have 6 extracurricular activities to maneuver the kids between after school while closing a deal on the phone, picking up a birthday present, then grabbing drinks with a friend after the kids are in bed. The only place we need to be right now is present. Whether virtually or in person, be mindfully present. There’s no ballgame or dance recital to go to. No party you have to prep appetizers for. The pressure is off to be perfect, but the time is right to be present. That means, taking a pause or breath before you react. Tangibly, patience is as simple as creating 6 feet of space between you and the person in front of you in line at the store. Get a tape measure and put marks on the floor to practice this with your kids before they go to school so it isn’t a foreign concept. Patience means not getting fussy when the person’s transaction at the coffee shop takes a long time because they are nervous. It also means being patient with yourself. Above all right now, patience is understanding that teachers and administrators are spending every waking minute doing what they can to ensure the safety of your children and themselves. They don’t want to get sick either. Listen to their plans, but be patient if things shift in the overhead compartment after takeoff and we do an emergency landing in the Field of Virtual School Uncertainty.

And if that doesn’t work out, I hear there’s an empty meadow nearby where people are dancing.