5 Things to Remember While Rocking Your Baby in the Middle of the Night
- Kelly Thompson
- Aug 15, 2017
- 5 min read
It's 4am. You're tired.
Every inch of your body is aching or throbbing and you are doubting every parental decision in this moment because you haven't slept more than 1-3 hours at a time in what feels like years. You suddenly realize there's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a military interrogation tactic. Your brain is fuzzy. Reality doesn't seem real and half the time you're not even really sure if you're awake or asleep. Welcome to parenthood. It's a beautiful thing isn't it? To love this tiny little human while semi-functioning like this. So here are 5 things to remember when you're in the midst of one of these [many] sleepless nights.
1. You Are Not Alone
In every corner of the world there are other parents and caretakers (and older siblings) just like you: awake, exhausted, singing, bouncing, rocking, laughing, crying, and even falling asleep while trying to get their babies back to bed. In every nation. In every family. Rich and poor. City and village. Desert and jungle. And everything in between. We are bonded by the fact that we are all here just doing the very best we can. So cut yourself (and the tired mom you exchange yawns with at Target) some slack. You're doing a great job!!
2. You Are Blessed
Somewhere in one of those corners of the world, someone is praying, pleading, wishing for these sleep-deprived nights of rocking a child much like yours that they are so desperately trying to bring into this world and their family. Still others are spending their nights pacing a hospital floor, terrified these nights will come to an unfathomable end. So do this with me right now: take a deep breath in and then let it all out with a big exhale. You CAN do this. When we take a moment to be thankful for the future that we hold in our aching arms, and realize how fortunate we are to be given such an awesome blessing, we realize how small our complaints are in the much bigger scope of life. And when we take a moment to breathe, we can train ourselves to appreciate even the moments we won't remember in the morning.
3. Crying is Healthy Communication
If your child is crying, then your child is telling you something. They are just too tiny to have the words to tell you what’s wrong. If they are a newborn, they don’t yet know that you are going to take care of them. They'll cry for a bit until you’ve taken care of their needs time and time again and they get to know you and the routine. Crying is the only resource they have to let you know they are uncomfortable in some way, so don’t let it stress you out even though the sound of their distress may bring about your own set of tears. Remember, they are just talking to you, with a song only a parent could love. Try to stay calm so they can feed off of your tranquil energy. I used to sing a song or count out loud to calm myself down. That said, when it’s the middle of the night, your instincts might be far too fatigued to know off-hand what’s bothering your little one. When you have a free moment (ha!), make a list or use the cheat sheet below of possible reasons your little one might be upset. Post it on the fridge or in their room, so when you’re exhausted, you can sneak a peek. Go through the list methodically and rule out anything it might be until they have calmed down. I remember calling my husband at work one afternoon because I couldn’t figure out why our newborn son was crying. Nothing I tried seemed to be working. He suggested swaddling and voila! Our son stopped crying. And so did I. He was asleep moments later. And so was I. It was something I’d done a thousand times but since I was so flustered it hadn’t even crossed my mind. That’s when I realized a list would come in handy when I couldn’t call upon someone else to help.
Here are a few reasons your child might be crying, and fixes to consider:
Diaper change
Needs a new or tighter swaddle
Pacifier has fallen out
Overtired
Hungry
Growth spurt: They will eat and fuss more often.
Fever: Consult your pediatrician.
Too Noisy or too quiet: Consider a white noise machine. We love our Sleep Sheep.
Too hot or too cold: Adjust fan or A/C. Change pajamas or swaddle.
Needs change of environment: Go outside in the moonlight if it’s safe to do so.
Tight belly/gas: Massage the belly using a gentle, clockwise, circular motion and/or give them infant gas drops if your doctor approves. Try burping them.
Teething: Try cold teething rings, counter pressure, or consult pediatrician for proper medication options. The Common Cold: A cool-mist humidifier, saline solution, bulb syringe, and/or my go-to snot sucker product, the Nose Frida, may help (I know it looks gross, but TRUST me!).
String from clothing wrapped around toe or other appendage: more common than you think!
Sleep regression: This lasts a few days or sporadically over a couple weeks.
Night terrors: These are more terrifying for a parent to watch, but your child is asleep, has no idea it’s happening, and won't remember it when they wake up.
Wants to be cuddled: Get cozy in the rocking chair or carefully and gently bounce on an exercise ball while holding them. Different children respond to different things.
And don't worry...A few tears from mom and dad are healthy too.
You have to let it out every once and a while.
One of my grandmas used to always reassure me:
“Don't worry, Kelly. The more they cry, the less they'll go to the bathroom. The water has to get out somehow. Ha!"
She had a great sense of humor, and laughter is oh so important in these tired moments. My other grandma who was a nurse taught me that a little crying is okay because:
"A baby has to find their voice in this world."
They were both right. Let the kiddos share their voice, and if you listen carefully you'll quickly start to learn their tones and cues to figure out what they need before that little whimper turns into a wail. It will click soon. I promise.
4. This Too Shall Pass
Eventually your baby will get out of the sleep regression or growth spurt. They will get bigger and need you less in the middle of the night. They will get over the cold. You will get back to a solid 6-8 hours of sleep a night. Eventually. Just knowing you'll get there brings hope you can make it through tonight. And so many more tonights until it does.
5. This Too Shall Pass
No you're not seeing double. This one is here twice because it WILL pass...
These moments of cuddling in the glow of the nightlight. Soft cooing. Gentle deep breaths. Watching dreams flutter beneath your baby’s eyelashes will someday pass. They will ask for a bedtime television show instead of a story. You'll lay next to them instead of hold them. Each moment of parenthood is a new moment. So as tired as you are right now, breathe them in and savor a few of the exhausting moments. Then you’ll see just how far you've both come when one day they are the ones reading the story to you at the end of the day. It comes sooner, it seems, than that full night of sleep you’re so desperately craving.
What are some things that help you get through the delirium of those restless nights? Please share your wisdom with the world in the comments below! Sweet Dreams, Lovelies. You are doing a great job!
Comments